When You Look At Me
by Feilyn
Summary: What do you do when you've kissed James Potter and actually liked it? Go back to your boyfriend and act liked nothing happened of course. But then again, if said boyfriend is the biggest prat on earth...what then? Oneshot, LEJP


Lily smiled up at Connor McLaggen, her on-again, off-again boyfriend. They were currently deep in the on-again stage, but it was entirely possible that could change in the next few hours, seeing as they were one of Hogwarts more volatile couples. They were dancing – revolving slowly on the spot, really – at the Halloween Ball Lily had put together with James Potter.

_Don't even go there._ The red-haired beauty was trying desperately to get her mind off the scruffy boy – man, now. Or rather, she had been trying to get her mind off that heated kiss they'd shared earlier that evening upon looking at their joint masterpiece.

Lily was tall enough that her chin rested comfortably on Conner's shoulder, as it was doing right now. From this position she could she everything he couldn't, and what Conner couldn't see was said James Potter, leaning against the table near the punch, raven hair falling elegantly (for once) into his eyes. He caught her eye and raised his goblet in a salute, not taking his eyes of her once as he lifted it to his lips.

"What was that, Conner?" Lily asked, realising her boyfriend had said something.

"I said, did Potter spike the punch? Because this music is bloody boring. The party could use a little livening up."

Lily pulled back and glared up at Conner, who was staring over her shoulder anyway. "Conner, _I_ choose this music. It's a _Ball_, not a party."

He grinned roguishly down at her, and Lily found herself comparing it to Potter's cheeky smile. _Stop it!_ "No reason why I can't get drunk, love. Be like last time."

Lily ripped herself out of his hold. "Oh, yes, 'be like last time'. When you kissed that bitch Hycacinthe Parkinson?"

"Well, I'm not going to kiss her _this_ time. She's not here," Conner pointed out.

Lily shook her head. "You are unbelievable."

Conner seemed to take this as a compliment, because he stepped forward as if to kiss her. "I know."

A few seconds later Conner was rolling on the floor groaning, blood spurting from his nose. Lily sneered at him briefly before stalking out of the Great Hall, her green dress trailing belatedly after. She could feel James Potter's hazel eyes burning into her and quickened her pace a little.

_.:When You Look At Me:._

He found her curled up on the window seat in the Head Boy/Girl Common Room, her gorgeous viridian dress strangling her legs and her wealth of red hair spilling over one shoulder like a crimson waterfall.

"Lily? Are you okay?"

She turned, poison eyes unreadable. "I guess. I just…Connor was being a prat as usual, and I needed to be angry at _someone_."

He chuckled, deeming it safe enough to walk over and join her at the window seat. "Be angry at me, Flower. I know how to take a punch at least."

She laughed wetly staring out the window. It was a pathetic attempt, but a laugh nonetheless. "I'm pretty good at being angry at you."

"I noticed," James replied wryly. He looked at her carefully, taking in every inch of her insurmountable beauty.

"Stop it," she breathed.

"What—"

"I said _stop_, James." She turned to stare at him, bright eyes endless.

"I—"

"Stop it!" she shrieked. "Stop looking at me like that, okay? Because you look at me and I feel like you're staring right into my soul, and I can't _handle_ that, so just…stop."

"You would rather I went away?" he asked softly. "That I went away and didn't come back?"

"No. Because when you go away it's like you rip my heart out and take it with you, and you don't even care! You just smile that _stupid smile_ at me, and ask me if I'm okay like that'll make everything better again, but it won't. It can't. Because now…now all I ever really want is you. I don't _want_ to want you, but I do, and I can't control it, and today, that kiss…that kiss…I thought you'd given up on me, but now I don't know _what_ to think."

"Lily, I never gave up on you, but Alice…she said it would be better to wait. Until I'd grown up and you'd grown up, and so I waited, and you went off with Conner and I decided her idea wasn't working so I kissed you." James said all of this very fast, thinking she was as likely to kick him as kiss him now.

But she did neither. Instead, she tipped her head back and started to laugh.

"Oh, we _are _pathetic," she gasped. "You realise that, don't you? Here we are, the two of us, hopelessly pining for the other and too scared to say anything. Oh, gods, Fate must be having a great deal of fun with us!"

James stared at her for a few seconds, then joined her in her mirth, deep chuckles rolling from his chest.

However such a moment cannot last forever and soon silence reigned once more, punctuated only by the sound of their breathing.

"You know, after all that, this really shouldn't be awkward," Lily murmured.

"You're exactly right. After all, we're the ones in charge of the situation. How about we—"

James didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, because at that moment, Lily decided she was sick of hearing him talk. She surged forward, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to her for a mind-blowing kiss.

"You talk too much," she breathed by way of explanation, leaning her forehead against his. "I have better uses for your mouth."

_.:When You Look At Me:._

_Hmm…just a little bit of writing that came to me. I'm under no illusions whatsoever that it's any good, but I had those particular words (I feel like you're staring into my soul) swirling around my head, and I can't use them in my LEJP chapter fic cos they don't get together till seventh year –wails- stupid canon. But please, tell what you thought anyway. Press that cute little purple button…no, not Report Possible Abuse, the one _above_ that!_

_That's better._


End file.
